In last week’s post, I lamented the lack of closets in nineteenth century houses, but fixing that error in my novel was easy compared to the other problem my astute critique partner, Wes, brought up. First, the offending sentence from thirteen-year-old Lucy’s point of view:
In his letters, Ambrose had said even with the depression the last couple of years, the town and Pa’s blacksmith shop had done well.
The problem?
In the nineteenth century, economic downturns weren’t depressions, they were panics. Yes, Lucy was referring to the Panic of 1857. It was easy enough to remove depression and insert panic, but I couldn’t help wondering how a modern reader would interpret panic. I felt a definition was necessary, but definitions tend to slow down the action and take readers out of the story. Below is my attempt to explain without author intrusion. Does it work?
In his letters, Ambrose had said even with the Panic the last couple of years, the town and Pa’s blacksmith shop had done well. All I knew about the Panic was what I heard folks at the hotel say: In 1857, a ship on the way from the San Francisco Mint to the States in the east had sunk with thirty thousands pounds of gold on board. I couldn’t even imagine what that much gold looked like. Aunt Hannah said banks were shutting down, railroads were going broke, and farmers were getting less money for grain and not paying their mortgages. With fewer people going west, fewer people were staying at our hotel. For most of the last year, Aunt Hannah said the hotel barely made enough to stay open, and my pa and uncles complained they weren’t seeing the profits they once did. Those hard times seem to have gone by without touching Hidden Springs.
Just writing it out here, I’m thinking I’ve overdone the explanation. I question whether I needed all the facts I gave about the Panic. Should I take out the part about the sinking ship and go straight to what Aunt Hannah said? Is the definition of a panic clear? Is it credible that Lucy has this information at the age of thirteen? These are all questions I will continue to mull as I finish the second revision and move on to the third. Any advise will be appreciated.
I’m still revising For Want of a Father, so it may seem a little early to worry about a book cover, but I need something to visualize. Thanks to writing buddy and Photoshop whiz, Bonnie Myrick Eaton of Keyhole Conversations, I have the above three possibilities. Now I need your opinion, so there is a poll at the end of this post. Before you take it, though, here is a back cover blurb in process.
Back cover blurb
1859, Kansas Territory
Half-sisters Cordelia, 17, and Lucy, 13, suffer from the lack of a father in their lives.
Cordelia has never met the man who dazzled her mother Minerva with promises of love and a life together, then disappeared, leaving Minerva with child. To save her parents from the shame of a daughter bearing a baby out of wedlock, Minerva marries a man who demands sons, but she produces only one living boy. She dies in childbirth, trying to fulfill his demands and leaves Cordelia, the bastard child, without a parent.
On their mother’s death in 1855, Cordelia, Lucy, and their two younger sisters go to live with an Aunt in Westport, 150 miles from Lucy’s father. In the four years since she last saw her father, Lucy has idealized the life she could have with him if he would only send for her. She has grown up and is ready to take on the work of running a house, certain her father will appreciate what a fine daughter he has in her.
Two events occurring within ten days of each other give the girls the opportunity to learn more about the men responsible for their existence. Cordelia gets word that her father is prospecting near Denver; Lucy’s father wants her to return to his home in Hidden Springs. Cordelia cautiously decides to search for her father, unsure of the kind of man she will find while Lucy is overjoyed that her father wants her home. Will either father live up to his daughter’s fantasized image of him, or will each father break his daughter’s heart?
Cover ideas
I considered a couple of possibilities on the way to the picture-frame images in this post. I thought of a split front cover showing a miner panning gold (Cordelia’s father) and a blacksmith (Lucy’s father), but I worried that I wouldn’t be able to find the appropriate images and the cover would be too busy. Next, I thought of an empty chair at the head of a dining table, but I’d need furniture for that. Finally, I settled on the empty photo frame, which is not to say it is the best idea. If something better comes to mind before publication (I’m planning on June or July, 2016) I will use it. I know it is asking a lot, but if you choose none of the above, I’d love to have you leave a comment with your opinions of a cover that might work better. Thank you for your help.
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!”
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I have begun the revision of For Want of a Father, this year’s NaNo novel. Scenes are outlined through page 100. I have made notes on needed changes using the CASTS system I learned from Nancy Pickard at a workshop several years ago. The CASTS system involves looking at each scene and checking for Conflict, Action, Suspense, Turn, and Sensory. You can read more about CASTS at Writer Unboxed or watch Libby Hellmann’s video explaining the system on her site. However, I’m tired of outlining. I want to get to work on the actual draft. Therefore, I am attacking the first chapter and point of view.
Point of view
There are two point of view characters in the novel: those of sisters Cordelia, 17, and Lucy, 13. I would tell you more, but that might color your judgment of which would be the better beginning. There will be a poll at the end, so please vote for the beginning you believe is more effective.
Chapter 1: Lucy’s POV
I hovered around the hotel check-in desk, waiting for Cordelia to do her job and sort the mail. She knew I was expecting my weekly letter from my brother Ambrose, but she always made me wait, sorting through every piece: the regular boarders’, Grandma’s, Aunt Hannah’s, and business mail addressed to the hotel before handing me my letter. She was being spiteful because Ambrose addressed the letter to me instead of her.
I whisked my feather duster over knickknacks that lined shelves along the walls, sneaking looks at her as she put letters in piles and slid some into the row of cubbyholes behind the desk.
She stopped, frowned, and lifted a small, letter-sized package about a half-inch thick.
“For you, Lucy,” she said, holding out the small parcel to me.
I dropped the duster on the desk, hurried across the room, and seized the package, glancing at the return address. “It’s from Ambrose.” My fingernails clawed at the tightly sealed package. When at last I worked through the outer paper, something fell and thumped on the floor. I picked it up. “A twenty dollar gold piece!”
I unfolded the letter and scanned it. “Pa wants me home. I’m to go on the next stage. This money is for my fare and anything else I need. I’m going home!” My deepest wish had come true at last, and I wasn’t going to let anyone talk me out of going.
Alternate Chapter 1:Cordelia’s POV
Lucy was hanging around the hotel lobby like she always did on the day the mail stage came through, pretending to be working while sending me dirty looks, thinking they would make me sort the correspondence faster. I always gave her the letter from our brother Ambrose as soon as I spied it, but because I didn’t make it a priority and fish it out of the pile first thing, Lucy spent every mail day madder at me than usual.
I sorted all the letters and put them in the appropriate boxes behind the check-in desk for pickup; none were from Ambrose. Lucy gave me one of her sideways looks, a look that said she thought I was keeping the letter from her on purpose. In a minute, she would be marching across the room demanding to know where her mail was.
I met her eyes and shrugged, turning my palms up and shaking my head as I reached for the small, half-inch thick parcel I had put to one side, thinking it would be easy to hand over if anyone called for it while I was sorting the other mail. When I saw it was addressed to Lucy, I knew she would think I kept it from her on purpose, that somehow I was jealous because Ambrose wrote directly to her. After all, I was only his half-sister.
I held the package out to her. “For you, Lucy. From Ambrose.”
She dropped the duster and raced across the room. “It took you long enough.” She ripped the package from my hand and tore at the wrapping. Something thudded to the floor.
She stooped to pick it up. “A twenty dollar gold piece!” Her eyes widened in excitement as she scanned the letter. “Pa wants me home!” Her voice was filled with pure joy.
At last, Lucy had gotten what she dearly wanted. Somehow, four years of separation had allowed her to forget what a mean man her father was.
Poll
I have been trying to insert my first poll in this blog post and am having issues with the technology. If a poll does not open correctly below, please make a comment and let me know which point of view you would choose to begin the second book in the Pierce Family Saga: Lucy’s or Cordelia’s. Thank you for your vote.
In my previous post, I said I had committed to two new courses. The first is Blogging 201: Branding and Growth, which was the subject of Monday’s post. Today, I’m discussing the second course commitment, Joan Dempsey’s course on revising fiction. Through the course, she has made some excellent suggestions on determining the revising method that works best for an individual writer. While it’s too late to join her course, you can find the videos on YouTube.
How I Revise
Reading for Story
I start with chapter one and read straight through, making notes on each chapter. I list the characters in the scene and make sure their motives are clear and the scene contains conflict that moves the story forward. Since this is the second book in the series, I need to make sure readers do not have to have read the first book in order to fully understand what is happening and why. At some point, I will need beta readers who have not read the first book to ensure I have reached that clarity. Any volunteers?
Checking Character and Point of View
I am using first person point of view in the Pierce Family Saga. That means I must have an intimate understanding of each character’s background and motives. Some characters, such as Cordelia and Lucy, I know from the first book in the series, Cordelia’s Journey. However, these characters are now four years older. The relationships and world views of the characters have changed. Their biographies need to be updated. Since I wrote For Want of a Father during NaNo with only a general idea of the story, I created characters on the fly, characters I know almost nothing about. During the revision, I will be learning much more about each of the characters and deciding which ones will go on to the third book in the series.
Checking Dialogue and Description
For me, dialogue and description are important tools for conveying character and conflict, so I will work on both as I read each chapter. When it comes to setting, I describe only those things that matter to my point-of-view character. If there is no reason for my character to notice a gun or a fireplace or a team of horses, it will not be in the story. I don’t want to slow down story for the sake of providing details. Every detail is important to what is happening at that moment and/or during the final scenes of the book.
Submitting to my Critique Group
Before submitting revised chapters to my critique group, I try to make the writing as perfect as I can. That doesn’t mean I don’t have faulty sentences and needless repetition. It simply means I try to make the writing the best I can do at that moment, so my critique partners aren’t so distracted by sentence level issues that they can’t feel the story.
Deciding the Number of Revisions
There is no set number of revisions to make. The process is complete only when formatting and sentence level errors have been eliminated, and the joy and sadness, laughter and tears felt by the characters are so clearly depicted that they touch readers’ hearts.
Comments, Please
If you are a reader of novels, what makes a story memorable and satisfying for you?
If you are a writer, what are some of your revision methods?
Here it is, a new month, and I am taking two more courses. The first is Blogging 201: Branding and Growth. That course is the reason I am writing this post. Our first assignment is to set three goals for the blog. Before setting those goals, we are to think about the purpose of the blog and what a successful blog would be in our wildest dreams.
Purpose of the blog
I’m writing a family saga, and I set up this blog to generate interest in the books before, after, and in-between publication. The first book, Cordelia’s Journey, is set in 1855 in Kansas Territory. It was published in October, 2015. I completed a rough draft of the second book, For Want of a Father, set in 1859, during this year’s NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). As I begin the revision of that book, I am wondering what part of the process readers might find interesting. What topics would appeal to readers, and just who are those readers?
Audience
I see my readers as people who enjoy stories about family, faith, and friendship in an American frontier setting. The main characters are young, but I see all ages as possible readers. The main character in Cordelia’s Journeyis 13. In For Want of a Father, my novel in progress, there are two main characters, one thirteen, and the second seventeen. They are both female, so girls and women will probably find the book more appealing than boys and men, which means girls and women age twelve and up are the most likely readers of the blog. However, the third book, which is in the planning stages, will be set in the Civil War and have three main characters, a girl of fifteen, a boy of sixteen, and a young woman of nineteen. In each new book in the series, the characters will mature, so the audience may broaden in age and gender as new books are added.
What do readers want?
I have published about a dozen posts to this blog already, but I don’t have many readers yet, so I haven’t had much feedback. I’m listing some ideas for posts below and would like your reactions. What topics, if any, would catch your interest and cause you to follow the blog?
Possible blog topics
Character biographies: What do the characters want and why?
Family relationships: who gets along and who doesn’t?
Quotations from actual newspapers of the times about the general events the characters face
Slang words of the day
Research and revision methods: the process of writing historical novels
Help! Do you find any of the topics above appealing? Can you suggest some I haven’t listed? Please leave a comment and let me know.
As for my wildest dreams, let the Pierce family become as popular as Harry Potter.
Cordelia’s Journey now available in e-book and paperback on Amazon
I’ve been spending the morning preparing for tomorrow’s Emporia Farmers Market. This is my first time as a vendor, and I’m trying to make sure I have everything. This first thing was to decide on the books to take and how to display them, so I tried out an arrangement at home. One possibility is pictured above. Cordelia’s Journey is in the middle.
I like the order the books are in on the table, but I think I’ll move them back a few inches and put a little more space between books to make room for the business cards in one space and maybe a dish of peppermints in the second space.
In addition to choosing the books, I’ve priced them and packed them in the car. I also updated my business cards. When the cards were printed, I didn’t have this blog, so I used address labels to put new blog and contact information on the back. I got change from the bank yesterday. All that’s left is working on my autograph. Any book signing suggestions?
I almost forgot to tell you: The Emporia Farmers Market is Saturday, December 5 from 10 a.m. to noon at 727 Commercial in Emporia, Kansas. There are two additional market dates this month: December 10 from 8 p.m. to midnight and December 19 from 8 a.m. to noon. As you can see on the webpage, several authors are participating.
Can you think of anything I’ve forgotten? Leave a comment and let me know.
I really was crazy to commit to three things at once. I am here to report that I finished NaNoWriMo with the official count of 50,481 words, and I have a complete draft of For Want of a Father, Book 2 of the Pierce Family Saga. Now the revising fun begins. I also completed the Iowa Fiction MOOC. As for Blogging 201, I didn’t make it through the first lesson. I will have to repeat. All that technical stuff hurts my brain.
Besides beginning the revision of For Want of a Father, December commitments include marketing Cordelia’s Journey. It has been out for a month with no official launch or promotion. Needless to say, it is reaching the bottom of the Amazon ranking pit, so something has to be done. I will be putting the e-book on a 99 cent promotion from December 1 through December 7. Other 99 cent promotions for the rest of my e-books will follow. Warning: You will probably see more of my promotions that you would like, but I don’t know any other way of getting the word out beside Facebook and Twitter. If anyone has a marketing plan that works, let me know.
In December I will also be participating in three Emporia Farmers Market events with other local writers, so if you would like a signed paperback and are in the Emporia area, stop by 727 Commercial. Hours are Saturday, December 5 and December 19 from 10 a.m. to noon, and Wednesday, December 10 from 8 p.m. to midnight. Yes, midnight is correct. It’s a citywide event with “Madness” attached to it.
As you can see, if anything has “crazy” or “madness” attached to it, I am probably there.
Okay, so it’s not the Old West, but this picture of a stagecoach taken at Wichita’s Cowtown is the best I have.
Question: “What do stagecoaches have to do with NaNoWriMo word statistics?
Answer: I did what NaNo writers are advised not to do. Research.
While zipping toward my word count last week, I became obsessed with the size of Old West stagecoaches and what they would hold. Cordelia, one of my main characters, is heading to Denver on the Pikes Peak Express in 1859, and she has some annoying travel companions. How many? More than I had originally planned. You see, based on the western movies I have watched, I thought stage coaches had two seats. It turns out they had three. Each seat held three passengers, so the coach could hold nine. Also, up to three passengers could ride on top with the driver and shotgun guard. The amount of mail and other freight packed into and on top of the coach often left passengers scrunched against each other, making Cordelia’s approximate twelve-day ride from eastern Kansas to Denver uncomfortable to say the least. If you are interested in learning more about stagecoaches and what it was like to ride in one, check out History of the Stagecoach and Stagecoach Service in the 1860s. As a bonus, check out this map of nineteenth century Kansas trails, which includes the Express route through Kansas Territory in 1859-1860.
Question: So what about your NaNo statistics?
Answer: I’m proud to say that I’m keeping up with the daily word count. I’m actually a little ahead with 20,523 words as of this morning.
Question: Weren’t you taking two online courses at the same time? What about those?
Answer: I’m keeping up with the fiction MOOC, refining scenes from my NaNo novel for my assignments. When it comes to Blogging 201, I’m still at the starting gate. However, I am down to the last lesson in the MOOC, so I’m planning to spend the end of this week making blog improvements.
The day is almost done. I sandwiched my writing between lab work this morning (I hate blood tests) and laundry tonight.
NaNoWrimo
Total words so far: 6404. That is an average of 2134 words per day if I punched the right numbers on the calculator.
Fiction MOOC
The limit for the number of words to submit was 1,000. I finished with 986 after whittling down from 1063. You may have noticed from my posts that I am wordy when in a hurry.
I’m feeling a little crazier tonight than I did yesterday, but I’m keeping up for the moment. Here’s my report.
NaNoWriMo
The goal is 1667 words per day. I have a total of 4158 for the two days, so I am over goal. After writing a couple of hours at home, I attended my Emporia group’s kickoff party at the public library and wrote another 1,000 words.
Fiction MOOC
I’m barely hanging on here. My assignment is due tomorrow at 11:59 p.m. I need three characters who disagree about an event and place in which they were all present in the past, and I need to include a present setting, all in 800 to 1,000 words. The characters will be Hiram Pierce, the father, Ambrose Pierce, 14, and Lucy Pierce, 13. The current setting will be their new house. The previous setting will be the cabin they built and lived in when the first moved to Hidden Springs. The event is the death of Minerva Pierce, Hiram’s wife. Given the lateness of tonight’s hour, I will have to do some fast writing tomorrow. The good news is that the words will count for NaNoWriMo, too.
Blogging 201
Today, I checked out features and themes. When I chose the theme for this blog, I thought it was responsive. Now, I cannot find that word in any of the description of the features. I did see that it would work on mobile devices, so I’m hoping that is the same thing. I found information on how to make the menu the way I want it, but I didn’t have time to do that. There is tomorrow.
That’s it for today. I’m stumbling off to bed, probably to a night of wide-awake thoughts on one or all three of the above subjects.
Series in Progress 